Parenting - a Challenging Job Indeed!



  

I think most of you will agree with me that parenting is indeed a challenging job. As a parent you feel challenged and are expected to mend your ways of thinking. What works for one child, doesn't work for another. What would have worked for you, doesn't work for your kids anymore.

 

You cannot impose!

 

Traditionally, the way our generation has been brought up is very different from the way we are bringing up our kids. The kids today want recognition for everything and still the carrot and stick approach doesn't always work for them.

 

I found it very challenging to raise my triplets. I was compelled to read some books, join some established parenting groups to understand this generation. Yes, there is a generation gap between us! We need to accept it.

 

You cannot command the kids and tell them this is right, and this is wrong. They want to explore it themselves. You really cannot have strict regimes with them. The other day my 6-year-old told me that she really needed to talk to me in private. I was very curious to know what she wanted to say.

 

She said, “Mom you really need to relax and calm down”. ”The way you're trying to discipline me will not work”. “I want to do things at my own pace”.

 

Imagine a six years old telling me this! Then the next day, she got me a book from the library on LOVE. I could not understand the book and why she picked up a high level book for her which is not for her age. She told me that she had picked it up for me.

 

She had been trying to tell me that the other two triplets don't love her and she's jealous of that fact. And she has this feeling that nobody loves her, including me. This is because of late I've been trying to discipline her in my own way, but in the process, I think I really hurt her feelings.

 

They are Here & Now!

 

Sometimes it's very annoying when the kids want something just right then. They are not ready to wait. “I want this right now”. I could not understand this at that time. Later I did a course to realize that kids live in the present, they want it all they want is right now, for them there is no tomorrow. But as adults we do not live in our present, we keep oscillating between our past and keep worrying about our future.

 

But for the kids they live in the present and they want to enjoy it. Also, we never realize we say “No” to our kids so many times during the day. The day your kid is not smiling enough you should realize that something went wrong that day.

 

Kids are supposed to smile a lot, we all are naturally designed to do so, but we forget to smile.

 

So, who will tell us what is right and what is wrong? How to put values in the kids?

 

Ø  There should be clear communication between you and your kids. While conveying a message don’t mix emotions. Don’t raise your voice or hand at the kids. Instead of doing any good it will only harm your relationship with them.

 

I think the values have to be put in the kids in the right manner. I did an “Art of living” course on “Know your Child”. There I learnt that if you want to set some rules in the house for disciplining the kids, you need to be very firm, consistent but at the same time you need to be entertaining.

 

Ø  You should read a lot of stories with the kids and you should tell a lot of your own life stories to your kids. They learn a lot from your life lessons.

 

Ø  If you're asking the kids not to watch iPad and phones at the lunch table, then you should also follow the same rule. They should not see you enjoying unlimited screen time.

 

Ø  Setting up a schedule for the kids really helps in getting them to do the daily tasks for the day without serious arguments and drilling down.

 

Ø  There is nothing wrong with rewarding the kids, but they should feel as if they have earned something.

 

Ø  Do not compare or label your kids especially if you have multiple kids or older siblings.

 

Ø  Spend some special time with your kids. Only such moments of quality time spent with them, will enable you to understand the real nature of your child.

 

Ø  Another common mistake we all parents make is by imposing our own dreams on our kids. “I could not become a Doctor, so you need to fulfill my dream”. But what if your daughter actually wanted to become a baker or a dancer.

 

Ø  Stop pressuring your kids to excel in academics. Let them take things at their own pace. Encourage and facilitate the child’s journey to discover the real purpose of his /her life.


 

These are some of the things that I am doing my best to apply in raising my little ones. Feel free to share your thoughts too!

 

 

 

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